A very hard thing to blog about

A friend recently blogged about the dangers of being too passionate about what is happening in the lives of her friends. Her Mr. Wonderful suggested being passive with a situation involving a friend's seemingly bad choices.

This is my reply to her blog:

I don't know if there's a good answer to the passive vs. passionate question. We are who we are, but we also need to allow other people to make their own choices without it taking over us completely. I see this over and over with Mr. Perfect's kids. The two oldest have decided to choose their mom over their dad. They will contact him when they want something (usually money) but don't want him in their lives otherwise. It's been especially hard with his second daughter because they were so close, and she used to defend him when her older sister attacked. He can't remove himself from his kids' lives. We both know that's not an option. But I have a really hard time watching him being used by them and then ignored or openly mistreated.

Because the oldest has always chosen her mom's side, he's been dealing with this for years, but it's fresh for me. He will be there for them when they need it, but he also tells me that I don't have to. If a request comes to me for something, I now have the right to say no. In fact, he told me the next time the younger daughter asks for something, I shouldn't even consider it. I should just say "Hmm...considering how you treat me and your dad, why do you think I should do this for you?" This is a new concept for me. I love these kids and want what's best, but supporting them in things I find harmful or wrong or enabling their treatment of their dad isn't the best for anyone. It is okay to be passive, to look at your friend and say "I can't help you or support what you're doing right now." And it is okay, at times, to consider your own mental and emotional health, otherwise there won't be enough of you to help the next time.

So, does anyone else have some advice for either my friend or me with these kinds of situations? All suggestions will be gladly accepted and considered.