Papa P.

My father passed away the Sunday before Thanksgiving. He had been declining for a while. During that time, I wrote the following post, but was asked by some family members to remove it for privacy during Dad's illness. To the end, he maintained his sense of humor, his love of Mom P. and his love for his family. I miss him every day, but I rejoice in the life he lived, the legacy he gave to all of his posterity, and the knowledge that he is whole and happy and waiting for us to join him.

(Originally written in August 2013)

For the past two weeks, I've been working through how I wanted to write this post. In January, we lost Dad M. after a serious brain injury. Now Papa P. is experiencing his own form of brain injury, only his will be very drawn out and lingering. For the past several months, we've all notice a dramatic decline in Papa P.'s memory, his desire for physical activity, and walking. He has had difficulty remembering some names and relationships, and he started shuffling instead of walking with full strides, like Tim Conway's Old Man character.

After a series of tests with several doctors over the past five months, we now have an official diagnosis: dementia and some Alzheimer's. He has had many infarcts (mini strokes) that are affecting his motor skills. His thyroid is also slowly dying, which has drastically affected his desire and ability to stay active. He is already showing improvement from the thyroid medication, and Mom P. does what she can to gently encourage him to be active, help around the house where he can, and get out to activities or just walking around the mall.

One of the things that our family doctor told us is that the shuffling isn't his fault. It is actually one of the most common side affects, and therefore signs, of dementia. It's part of the loss of motor skills Papa P. is experiencing. We also need to be careful about taking as good of care as Mom P. as we do Papa P. We do not want her to wear herself out and get sick. Her health is paramount in helping Papa P. manage his illness and live a happy and fulfilling life.

I know it will not always be easy, but I also know that this life is not the end. Even though Papa P. may not remember the music he used to play so effortlessly and he may eventually have to be reminded of my name when I talk to him, one day all that he is and all that should be his will be restored to him. I'm grateful for that knowledge.

I love you, Papa.

Never forget

A friend of our works in one of the tall buildings that surrounds Ground Zero of the World Trade Center. Over the last year since they moved to the New York area, he has been watching construction for the memorials. I think the sunken fountains are amazing and beautiful, and a fitting tribute to the people who lost their lives on that tragic morning twelve years ago. I find it astonishing to think that twelve years have past, but I also find it astonishing to think it has only been twelve years.

...

Dad

Here are a few pictures from Dad M's funeral.

To let you know what has been going on

I know it's been a while since my last post. A lot has happened in the last week and a half. But it really started a week earlier.

On December 28, Dad M fell while in the living room. We aren't completely sure about what happened, but we do know he fell and hit his head hard. Very hard. So hard that it cause a massive concussion from which he never recovered. On January 9, 2013, he passed away peacefully, surrounded by family in the NCCU at IMC in Murray, Utah. It was peaceful and devastating. We have no words to fully express our deep love and gratitude to the staff who cared for Dad during this time. They were all wonderful.

The funeral was on Saturday.

We love you, Dad. We will miss you, but we joy in the knowledge that this life is not the end. We will see you again. And we look forward to that day.

Beautiful Heartbreak

A sweet family in our ward is going through a very difficult experience right now. The father was diagnosed with cancer a couple weeks ago. This week, he started the long, hard process of treatments. When trials and difficulties hit us, we don't know why we have to go through them. We have to believe that Heavenly Father is aware of us and knows each of us and what we need in order to return to Him. The Gospel is simple. Living it isn't always easy. The more we follow Heavenly Father's way, though, the easier it becomes.

I have friends with little or no understanding or patience with faith or God, who may think that I'm naive or brainwashed. Only I know the experiences that have brought me to my beliefs. I can't share that with anyone else, but everyone can have their own experiences. It is what makes faith so amazingly wonderful, and also so hard for skeptics to accept.

If anyone is interested in participating in a 40-day fast for my friends, please check out Fasting for the Philpotts on facebook.

Never forget: 9-11-2001

Fought the brave fight

As many of my valiant readers know, we love to garden. We love to plot out what we are going to plant and where. We are, however, not opposed to volunteer plants making an effort to grow (except maybe squash; they have a tendency to take over the world). We have about six volunteer tomato plants growing among the peas and carrots right now. Imagine our surprise when we found a tomato plant growing in the crack below our front door step. We decided to let it flourish, if it could.

Yesterday, I noticed that it is now starting to wither. I'm afraid that the lack of regular water and the amount of concrete surrounding it has made its lifespan a short one. I'm now upset with myself that I didn't get pictures of it in all of its healthier stages. However, here is one from yesterday.

Rest in peace, little tomato plant. We're sorry you didn't make it, but we were wondering how we would use the door if you made it to a full-sized plant with fruit.

Where where you?

Where were you on September 11, 2001 when you found out about the attacks? I was on the freeway heading to work and listening to the radio. People were pulling over to the shoulder so they could listen to the live report.

How has your life changed personally because of this event? Are you closer to your family? Are you closer to God? Do you feel that we, as a country, have lost some of the good that came out of this awful tragedy? I do. I think that we have become more hardened towards righteuousness. We have become more worldly and less inclined to rely on Heavenly Father. I don't believe these changes are for the better. In so many ways, I wish we could go back to the innocence of how life was before 9/11, but I know we can't. In more ways, I wish we could go back to the raw, real emotions of the few short months and years just after the attacks. We were kinder to our neighbors, less judgmental of each other, and more loving to our families and friends.

We can't change what happened that day. But we must remember what we learned from it, discard the bad and keep the good. Unfortunately, I think we are losing some of the good.

I am a plant killer

I have done something I thought was impossible. Growing up, my mom always had tons of plants on the kitchen window sill. She has the most amazingly green thumb; no plant in her house ever dies. EVER.

Every Mother's Day, she would get a new geranium from the Young Woman at church. And they always lived. For decades. And bloomed year-round.

This is the first year I've received a geranium for Mother's Day. And I've killed it. Amazingly, the plant next to it was also received at a church function (Relief Society lunch in March or April), but it's thrived. Apparently, it needs much less attention, water, sun, and personalized care than a geranium.

You can't tell from this picture, but the geranium used to have two main stems, and now one of them is black and limp. I can't tell if it's from over-watering or some other plant no-no I did. I do much better with plants in large plots of land that I can water with the automatic sprinkler system. We are currently watching two enormous pumpkins trying to out-do each other in size. It's going to be a fun Halloween, just not for the geranium.

Day Twenty-two

A letter to someone who has recently hurt me. No one has recently hurt me. I'm a very lucky person. Most of the people I know like me; and the ones who don't like me, leave me alone.

Maybe I'm just too easy going. Maybe I don't take things personally enough. Some of the kid's actions used to hurt me, but it's been a while since that happened. I know that they hurt Mr. Perfect frequently. Children can be that way. I know that their mom tries her best to hurt him, but her actions actually hurt the kids more than they hurt him. Silly how we think it won't be that way.

So, I don't have a letter to write. I don't have a hurt that burns and needs to be expressed.

As I said before, I'm a very lucky person.

A very hard thing to blog about

A friend recently blogged about the dangers of being too passionate about what is happening in the lives of her friends. Her Mr. Wonderful suggested being passive with a situation involving a friend's seemingly bad choices.

This is my reply to her blog:

I don't know if there's a good answer to the passive vs. passionate question. We are who we are, but we also need to allow other people to make their own choices without it taking over us completely. I see this over and over with Mr. Perfect's kids. The two oldest have decided to choose their mom over their dad. They will contact him when they want something (usually money) but don't want him in their lives otherwise. It's been especially hard with his second daughter because they were so close, and she used to defend him when her older sister attacked. He can't remove himself from his kids' lives. We both know that's not an option. But I have a really hard time watching him being used by them and then ignored or openly mistreated.

Because the oldest has always chosen her mom's side, he's been dealing with this for years, but it's fresh for me. He will be there for them when they need it, but he also tells me that I don't have to. If a request comes to me for something, I now have the right to say no. In fact, he told me the next time the younger daughter asks for something, I shouldn't even consider it. I should just say "Hmm...considering how you treat me and your dad, why do you think I should do this for you?" This is a new concept for me. I love these kids and want what's best, but supporting them in things I find harmful or wrong or enabling their treatment of their dad isn't the best for anyone. It is okay to be passive, to look at your friend and say "I can't help you or support what you're doing right now." And it is okay, at times, to consider your own mental and emotional health, otherwise there won't be enough of you to help the next time.

So, does anyone else have some advice for either my friend or me with these kinds of situations? All suggestions will be gladly accepted and considered.

Sad thoughts

We don't know yet if we'll actually see the kids this Easter weekend. They're supposed to be here, but it doesn't always work out that way. Sometimes I think it's their mom's way of hurting Mr. Perfect. If you want to punish someone who doesn't care about your opinion anymore, the best way to get them is through people they do love and care about. It is sad to know that she is such a bitter, frustrated, and lonely person, but she only has herself to blame. Something she seems incapable of doing.

Back online, but still no time, and some random thoughts about passing on

We finally have internet at the house. It was a bit of a pain because the phone company doesn't run internet lines in our neighborhood, so we did some research into alternates. We did finally go with the cable company, but we wanted to see what other options we had before going with them. They are the most expensive form of internet, but the most reliable for where we live [sigh].

This week will be crazy full. Tonight, Beatles Lover and Game Boy will be home for dinner and homework. Super Swim Chick and Our Computer Fixer drop by occassionally on Tuesdays, but they are very busy high schoolers, so we forgive them their neglect of us and are just happy when they can drop by for a quick visit. Tomorrow, Game Boy has a band concert, and then Mr. Perfect and I start rehearsals for Grand Night for Singing. Thursday, the Music Makers has a gig before we have to try and squeeze in another Grand Night rehearsal. I'm looking forward to the weekend. Hopefully it will be calm and mostly uneventful.

On a more serious note, my aunt's mother passed away on Sunday. The funeral is Saturday. Grandma and Grandpa Johnson were like additional grandparents to me. Grandpa Johnson was the only grandfather I knew (both of my natural ones having died before I was born). He passed away a couple of years ago, and I know Grandma Johnson is happy to be with him again. It was wonderful that she could be here with us for the wedding, and I'm grateful to Heavenly Father for the knowledge the gospel gives us of the next step beyond death. The Plan of Salvation is not only true, but it is comforting and enlightening in a world that would rather we sink in misery and darkness. I am thankful for truth.